To My Sweet Boy

As you tumble head first into your third year of life, I can’t help but think about the adorable, sweet, sensitive little guy you have become. From the squinchy faced, fussy mouthed babe during that first year, to the hilarious little monkey boy we have today, you have changed so much. I will never forget the absolute terror I felt in November of 2010, when doctors told me I was losing the little baby inside of me. I struggled to cope, and couldn’t sleep at night, wondering why me? Why you? But little man, days passed and there you stayed, continuing to grow and fight on. Those days turned into weeks, which turned into months, and on June 13, 2011, my little fighter bounded into the world, right on your due date. Little did I know, the first year of your life would be the very hardest of mine, struggling with sleepless months, a grumpy two year old girl, paralyzing anxiety in social situations, and the never ending nursing that comes with a baby. As each of those things compounded and grew, they all joined forces to become postpartum depression, and thoughts of failure flooded my brain. I never felt like I was what you deserved in a mommy, that what I was giving you could be better in some way.

But we grew together, son, and you taught me so much. We pulled through that year together, and here we are, having just celebrated your second birthday. You are such a sweet little boy, always leaning in to give me pretend hugs on FaceTime, and blowing me sweet little kisses over the phone. It always blows my mind when I realize that time and time again, you and your big sister are the ones who have taught me and continue to teach me life’s greatest lessons. You’ll be much older when you read this one day, surely well into adult hood, but I hope you realize, even then, the wonderful impact you had on me right from the beginning, handsome boy. We learned together. We grew together. You are Mama’s little boy, and I imagine you always will be. Enjoy being two, little man, and go forth, full speed ahead, into your third year of life. Mama loves you, always.